DEVONIAN NEWS!
By Lisa Lacoste
FIRST EVIDENCE OF DINOSAUR BELLY BUTTON DISCOVERED!
Source: Twitter
A fossil found in China in 2002 is now showing evidence of the first known dinosaur belly button, thanks to new technology. The navel is said to belong to the psittacosaurus (meaning parrot-lizard), a biped characterized by its high skull and powerful beak. Babies are born at around 13cm, and can grow up to 2.1m in length.
Laser-Stimulated Fluorescence (LSF) has allowed for a new perspective on the fossil, which also shows a cloaca. The cloaca is the dinosaur’s “all-purpose” hole for mating, laying eggs, and excreting dung. How exciting!
INTERNATIONAL WEIRDO JOHN MCAFEE’S CORPSE STILL IN SPANISH MORGUE!
Source: Twitter
It’s been a year since weirdo and software developer John McAfee died by apparent suicide in his prison cell near Barcelona in 2021. There were no witnesses, officials say that while McAfee had a cellmate, the cellmate was out and about doing “normal activities” around the prison when it happened. They also say that they did all they could to save him.
McAfee had a tattoo that said “$WHACKD” and had previously said that if he was ever found dead by suicide he didn’t kill himself. Because of this, McAfee’s widow, Janice, started a petition for an independent autopsy. McAfee met Janice when he hired her as an escort in Miami, after he was deported from Guatemala for the alleged murder of a neighbour in Belize.
Her first attempt to retrieve the body for an independent autopsy was denied. She appealed the decision, causing the judge to rule that the body would not be given to them until the appeal was dealt with. There’s, like, a lot going on here.
POLITICIAN CHARGED WITH PLOTTING TO HARVEST CHILD’S ORGANS!
Source: Ike Ekweremadu, Facebook
This is actually happening! A senator from Nigeria and his wife have been charged in London with conspiracy to arrange travel of another person with a view to exploitation, namely organ harvesting, police said (Reuters).
Ike Ekweremadu, 60, is currently an opposition senator and former deputy senate president in Enugu, a southern state in Nigeria with a population of 722,664 (2006 census). The UK police were alerted to what was going on when offences regarding modern slavery legislation were being reported.
The attempted victim was a fifteen-year-old boy, said the couple in court. The couple is now in custody and cannot be reached for comment.
JUUL BANNED BY SAME PEOPLE THAT TOLD YOU TO EAT MORE BREAD!
Source: AP File
The FDA, the same people that published the food pyramid of lies, have banned Juul products in the US. The court has taken steps to block the ban, but it still appears to be taking effect. Those who used Juul previously have simply moved on to another brand of vape pen.
In an unshocking twist, Juul has been accused of targeting children. What is the FDA’s motivation here? Perhaps it’s Juul’s lack of nicotine free options: all Juul brand e-liquids contain nicotine, but there are plenty of nicotine-free alternatives from other brands.
35% of Juul was bought by Altria (formerly Philip Morris Companies) in 2018, which is a fairly significant stake for one of the world’s largest tobacco and nicotine companies.
Have you ever seen an adult smoke Black & Milds? Because those are still fine, and also within the Altria company. The FDA even still approves those gross little pouches you tuck under your lip! Do you think Altria insidiously tried to destroy their competition for having the potential to wean people off tobacco? Or did Juul just refuse to pay off the FDA? We can all agree that these products are harmful, but this decision makes no sense.
MICROSCOPIC ORGANISMS HAVING SEX ON YOUR FACE!
Source: University of Reading
They also have sex on your nipples. The tiny, spider-adjacent mites have eight legs, and cling to our face and body hair as we sleep to reproduce. No worries, though, these mites are invisible to the naked eye, and they can only do it while you’re releasing melatonin, so you’ll never know when it’s happening!
The first DNA analysis of these creatures shows that they have become simplified from living a sheltered life in pores, and may soon become one with us since they lack UV protection and can’t produce their own melatonin, which they require for vigorous mating sessions. Both mites must cling on to facial or body hair while they have sex, so they have to get into some weird positions.
Thankfully, the mites might be good for us, keeping our pores unclogged and our faces free of acne. We can hope that’s true as we try to forget this information that we will never be able to feel or see.
PRESERVED BABY MAMMOTH FOUND FROZEN IN YUKON!
Source: Government of Yukon
A whole baby wooly mammoth thought to be around 30,000 years old has been discovered by gold miners in the permafrost of Canada’s klondike region. She has been named Nun cho ga by the inhabitants of the land, which, fittingly, means “big baby animal”.
This is the best-preserved baby mammoth specimen in North America, since finding partial remains of one in Alaska in 1948. Nun cho ga is about the same size as Lyuba, another preserved baby mammoth found in Siberia in 2007.
