By Lisa Lacoste
THANKS TO ALMOND ALLIANCE, BEES ARE NOW FISH!
Sources: Almond Board of California; Amazon; Tucker Carlson Tonight
California has reclassified some bees as fish. No, don’t start getting ready to catch a bucket of bees to fry up for your family, they’re actually less edible than ever. So inedible it would now be illegal to eat them in California. California’s Fish and Game Commission was approached in 2018 to add the Crotch’s bumblebee, Suckley cuckoo bumblebee, Western bumblebee and Franklin’s bumblebee to the state’s endangered species. Unfortunately, agricultural groups including the Almond Alliance of California filed a lawsuit to enforce that California’s Endangered Species Act did not and will not protect insects. In response, a California Appeals court made the decision to reclassify these species of bumblebee to fit the state’s Endangered Species Act which only protected “birds, mammals, fish, amphibians, reptiles, and plants”. Thanks to the Trinity bristle snail, the “fish” category now includes invertebrates. The endangered, land-dwelling mollusk pushed the boundaries of what makes a fish a fish back in 1984, and the bees are pushing again today.
CLEARING IT UP: KID ROCK MEANT WHAT HE SAID ABOUT OPRAH!
Source: Tucker Carlson Tonight
Kid Rock has announced “[he] don’t apologize to anybody” in regards to his resurfaced 2019 drunken insults towards Oprah and two other famously unlikeable people. “F*** Oprah” he said, wasted, on stage. He also insulted Joy Behar and Kathie Lee Gifford at his glamorous, star-studded event. Kid Rock came forward during an intimate interview with Tucker Carlson to establish that he did mean what he said about Oprah and Joy Behar, reiterating that they can “suck a d*** sideways”. This all started when Kid Rock’s people sent him to do Oprah’s show, and Oprah’s people insisted that, before being interviewed, he made a list of five things he loves about Oprah. Honestly, who wouldn’t be saying “F*** Oprah” after that? The audacity. Interestingly, in a show of great strength of character, he admits did not mean what he said about Kathie Lee Gifford. He was, in fact, so blackout drunk, that he meant to say Kathy Griffin, but the wrong name came out. You can finally sleep easy again, Kathie Lee, the big man’s on your side—for now!
NS RCMP EXPLAIN DECISION NOT TO WARN PUBLIC ABOUT 2020 MASS SHOOTER
Source: Andrew Vaughan/The Canadian Press
In April 2020, 22 people were killed by one man in and around Portapique, Nova Scotia. This is a heartbreaking story that forever changed a once peaceful, picturesque community. At the time of the shootings, there was a lot of uncertainty around the situation. When families were interviewed, they were visibly upset with how the authorities had handled things, and for good reason. The gunman had legally bought a closet and driveway full of RCMP memorabilia, including cruisers that he refurbished. We learn now that the RCMP chose not to send out an alert to the community while 22 people were being shot and killed because the gunman was impersonating an officer. Lia Scanlan, director of strategic communications for NS RCMP, had this to say “in a small town like Portapique, where the killing started, people take things into their own hands. Had the public known the shooter was impersonating an RCMP officer, that information would have put RCMP members in harm’s way”. Just one officer was included in those dead, and she was the final victim killed tragically by the gunman. The RCMP has effectively reiterated to the public (which includes families and friends of the victims) that they would rather countless people die in the dark than risk their officers getting hurt. The NS RCMP failed horribly and selfishly at doing their jobs, and their most recent statements were mocking at best to the victims of a national tragedy. Kid Rock may have been able to put together a more coherent, empathetic apology.
STRANGE FOOT-LONG WORM BAFFLES NEWFOUNDLAND RESIDENT!
Source: Beverly Quinlan
A Newfoundland woman and her grandson found a strange, rope-like creature in Birchy Bay last week. The World Register of Marine Species (WoRMS) suggests it may be a clamworm, sandworm, or ragworm, but would need to be sampled. The creature is fascinating, its sharp little legs double as breathing mechanisms and may puncture enemies, and it has two sets of jaws (but they aren’t particularly strong). While there is evidence that these creatures have appeared in Newfoundland before, we are still not completely sure what this is. What other mysteries might lurk in the ocean?
JAPAN HARNESSES LIMITLESS ENERGY WITH GIANT OCEAN TURBINE!
Source: IHI Corporation / NEDO
In a remarkable breakthrough for the energy crisis, Japan has proudly announced their new undersea turbine. Tethered carefully to the ocean floor and sitting about 50 metres below sea level, it is strong enough to not only withstand the strongest ocean currents, but to harness what could potentially be an infinite green energy source. The turbine itself is called Kairyu and weighs 330 tons. It creates power with two long cylinders attached to 11-metre long turbine blades that use the ocean’s current to create and store energy. Here’s hoping other countries will follow suit on this journey to a greener future!